How to Be Your Best When Someone is Being Their Worst
We have all had those moments when dealing with someone becomes beyond difficult—or when we’re encountering a person who is just being awful. And if we’re being honest, we’ve all been that person for someone else. When someone isn’t being their best, it can be challenging to remain our best. It can trigger the worst parts of us and cause us to respond in kind, especially when it’s an ongoing or recurring situation.
But we get to choose who we are. Someone else’s struggle to figure out who they are doesn’t have to impede our progress toward becoming our best selves. Understanding how we can be our best selves when someone else is being their worst requires intention and consistency. Here are a few steps to start the work:
Awareness – Know where you are emotionally and psychologically. If you’re on overload, pushing yourself further will not lead to a positive result. Take time for self-care before engaging with difficult people. Make sure you’re in the best place possible to handle hard moments.
Know When to Say “No” – If you’re not at your best, be prepared to decline invitations. You don’t have to be everywhere all the time. It’s okay—and sometimes necessary—to say “no” when you’re unable to show up as your best self. Don’t sabotage yourself or others by saying “yes” out of obligation. That only sets them up to be mistreated by you and sets you up to feel resentful.
Don’t Personalize or Internalize Others’ Poor Behavior – When people are at their worst, it’s rarely about you. It’s usually about something they haven’t dealt with. While there may be things they need to discuss with you, their harmful behavior is not your responsibility. Don’t make their pain your problem.
Have Healthy Boundaries Rooted in Love – Express your boundaries from a place of love—for yourself and for others. It’s okay to not be okay, but it’s not okay to be hurtful or disrespectful. Be clear, direct, and kind in how you set boundaries.
Find Grace for Others (and for Yourself) – We’ve all needed grace a time or two. Make space for people to not be okay. You have the opportunity to be the best part of someone’s worst day. It’s easy to love people when they’re at their best; the real challenge is loving them when they’re not. That doesn’t mean tolerating harmful behavior—it means choosing to be your best self even when someone else can’t. You’ll feel better about yourself and avoid holding onto resentment.
When we respond in kind to harmful behavior, we run the risk of carrying resentment, guilt, and shame down the road. Even when it feels justified, not being our best selves breaks trust with ourselves. Anger lies to us. It convinces us that our unkind reactions are warranted. But anger often shows up as protection—it shields us from the harder emotions we don’t want to face. It’s easier to be mad than to be vulnerable.
The truth is, when we don’t walk in our best selves, we not only break trust with ourselves—we give ourselves more reasons to self-criticize and possibly confirm any negative self-image we may already be battling. But when we act with integrity, especially when it’s difficult, we build trust with ourselves. We prove who we really are and what we’re truly capable of.
You don’t have to match someone else’s energy.
You choose who you are.
Choose the best version of you.
You got this!
© 2025 Dr. Jennie. All Rights Reserved.
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